The processes of death or how I'm drowning in paperwork!

How do you end a life? How do you close the books on something so precious? Answer: with mounds of paperwork! Within minutes of Mom passing, someone was shoving a clipboard in my face with some document that required my signature. I have no idea what it was but I know I received a yellow copy of it. Not sure where that ended up. But that was just the beginning. There are so many forms and certificates and filings necessary to close out a life. As I continue to sort through the maze of bureaucracy, I still frequently think "what do the stupid people do?" Now this isn't a judgment of any kind, but I have 9 years of college education and struggle with my understanding of all of these processes.

And I can't help but think that this is what a life is boiled down to. A stack of papers. I have Mom's paperwork sorted into 4 separate folders. It took me a month or so but I was literally drowning in paperwork. Ironically, if you're the one still here going through the grief process focusing on small things can be a chore so asking me to decide major things now is really comical. In fact, once I made the DNR decision that early March morning, I didn't honestly think I'd ever be able to make another decision again. But I have and I will. 

So here are my words of wisdom regarding the paperwork. Try to get your loved one's world very small before they die. I learned this after Dad and it made a huge difference. All of Mom's bills were in my name. Nothing had frustrated more than calling to cancel a light bill and having the operator insist she needed to speak to my Father. My response had become "well, that's going to be a little hard but if you get through to him, please let him know there are a few things I'd like to talk to him about." I found this usually diffused an already difficult situation. Also, try to organize quickly. I spent several weeks drowning before I sorted the folders. That has made all the difference in controlling my frustration level. And finally, just be honest with people. If you haven't paid the bill because you threw it in a stack and couldn't face it, tell them. Explain how tough this has been. Let them see or hear your humanness. I cannot tell you how wonderful people are when you just lay yourself out there raw and exposed.

The paperwork has slowed slightly now that we are almost 3 months out but it's just the lull before another round as we close the estate in June. But I'm not quite as raw and I am beginning to trust my decision making ability again. Someone asked me just this week how I was and I said, "I'm doing a little better but I'll be okay." Her response "of course, you're your mother's daughter." Thank God for that.


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